Oz
Finally arrived in Australia after overstaying thai visa by ten days.
So far very impressed (except with the fact that things cost real money - thats gonna take a bit of getting used to)
Staying on Bondi beach (nudge nudge )in a hostel place which is pretty good fun, but quite a lot of the residents are proper self obsessed little wanker madams!!!! As we speak, there is a spoiled little english tart at the desk "whinging" cos the bleach on the toilet floor has ruined the expensive trousers that her mate got her from america - my heart bleeds! Shes been ranting on for half an hour and im in stitches!

So the sun here is well powerful compared to the pussy thai sun and my tan been destroyed already as im shedding my skin to white underneath.

The food is fuckin' amazin - so much good fresh takeaway - indian, chinese..... sushi! wow!

There is so much britain could learn to make it less of a shit-hole

meeting georgia today, and shelley apparently coming to syd with her pals then driving to melbourne on wednesday to go to some mad festival thing which i think i might have go to, in which case i'll likely stay in melbourne as its supposed to be a bit less whingy (the incomers i mean - the locals are great, but the silly little princesses whilst eye candy are doin' my head completely! )

later mate

Tsunami
After another week on the slosh in Bangkok we've met some smashing people - particularly in the wake of a personal tragedy for them in Cambodia.

Duane off to Kho Pha Ngan for a while and I've hired a pick-up to drive over to visit Lorna and Rob in Krabi - was going to head back to Kho Pha Ngan for Xmas but ended up staying with Lorna n Co only to wake up on boxing day at 10 oclock to some news about a tidal wave - over the course of the morning the gravity of the situation became more and more severe as we realised the scale of the destruction - unbelievable.

Headed down to the hospital to help in what little way we could taking names and trying to help folk find news of their pals and families - A very fruitless task since a fair slice of the people concerned are seriously injured or just plain missing - swept out to sea. I've got to take my hat off to Lorna and her pals who organised much of the "list" at Krabi Hospital -

I'm not really bothered about new year after all this carnage - The only good thing i can say is at least this was entirely an act of nature and not of some human agression. Makes you remember who's boss.

So i Have eventually to take the pick up back to Surat Thani, but Surat Thani closed so drive 100km to the ferry terminal which really is an end of the road place, so ended up eatin dinner and drinking beer with the ferry crew and a few wee drunk fisherfolk and then sleep in the car till the ferry in the morning till the ferry to Koh Samui

And now finally back in Big Blue, Haad Yuan - what a place!

Been a Long time!
Well for some reason my Blog has been stopped..

"Access Denied (policy_denied)
Your system was configured to deny access to this URL.Because this url was and improper/obscene website or your package is localnet
For assistance, contact your network support team."

Must;ve upset somebody - i suspect that mother has filed a complaint about bad language.

So - from Saigon in Vietnam ( possible the most mental place i've ever been! makes bangkok look like a sleepy wee toon ) Saigon waterpark! fantastic.... vietnamese girlies - i must reiterate , they make the thais look fat and ugly! Vietnam is largely untapped by the sex-pest-tourists so its thankfully not such a common sight to see pretty girls with fat old men.

Instead of girly bars the vietnamese go to "touching karaoke" where you sing karaoke whilst groping the hostess!!! Japanese Insanity with a pervy vietnamese twist!

Apparently Vietnam is opening to western companies at the start of 2005, so that'll be the arrival of McDonalds and KFC and then its only a matter of time till they're all fat the same as the US, the UK, Italy, Thailand.....

Rushed to bangkok to catch flight to India - only to be sent away from the check-in desk cos we dont have visas and you cant get one on arrival. Its the last time i listen to d-boys advice- i didnt question it since being half-indian i thought he was speaking sense. I'm sure that if we'd been allowed on the plane it would only have been a matter of bunging the immigration officer a fiver and there would have been no problem sir!

So = scuppered we await a refund on the tickets, but the Air India 'manager' is on holiday - (in india perhaps?) so after a week on the slosh in bangkok we escaped to Koh Chang for some beach antics.

Went to Kae Bae on a tip from the chris bell oracle, in two years the place has mushroomed, there's now a ATM, a 24 hour supermarket, fancy resorts, and .. yes... unfortunately it's awash with fat, old, sweaty perverts from Britain and Netherlands taking their pretty young "girlfriends" from Pattaya on a weeks holiday. eeeeeech. Apparently there's a drive to get the cheapskate scruffy hippy backpacker mob out of Koh Chang altogether and open it up for fancy package tourists. So there has been a complete crackdown on narcotics too.......weed very scarce!

I think a reasonable first course of action in backpacker sanitisation would be global ban on white people with dreadlocks, i blame these ridiculous smelly hair-turds for infesting all the beds in Thailand with bedbugs and lice. If you happen to be wearing dreads and you have no legitimate excuse, please cut em off, or at least wash em noo and again! Please!

Right - enough - im off for sushi, no.. curry, no thai food, no chinese,

maybe a McD's? apparently there are 58 in Bangkok! F*ck Off!!!!!

MORE PHOTIES

                         
LAOS

HANOI
Now Playing: David Bowie
5 days stuck in Hue from the flood, have watched the rats aquatic evacuation to safety down the street, followed by the snakes who gave up on day 3, and on day 4 the (drowned) cockroaches and poly-bags full of rubbish bob about. But the folk are still smiling and the water is receding. Miles around shrimp farms that have been decimated
though so there is a fair bit of damage.

Finally got out of Hue - no trains running as the railway is under 3 feet of water, no buses because parts of the highway have been washed away and the concrete division between the carriageways and a few trees have been strewn all over the road - 820,000dong ( about 30quid) for a flight so the only option.

Arrive in Hanoi, wait ages for minibus that takes me to shitty hotel (nae that bad really but the staff, however friendly are a bit "schneidy"

And this morning walk round a few blocks through old town Hanoi to find duane....... a "dishevelled" specimem indeed after over-indulgence in Hanoi. But the hotel is a bit mair reasonable so stay there for a day or two.

Curry for breakfast - as good as Laos only chain restaurant "Nazim" but bit spicier.

I dont know whay you say GOODBYE, is say HELLO!!!!
you say YES!
i say NO!
I dont know why you say HUE
is Say HeLLO!!!

holy shit! the water has risen to tit-height in the street, half way up one's shin in the hotel!!!! and it's STILL PISSING!!!! I have never seen rain like it in my life!!!!!

But nonetheless it's been fun, stayed up late with the vietnamese hotel staff and drank a bottle of ginseng whiskey, the prefered mixer is snake's blood! ( this time i'm not kidding!) which actually wasnt that bad, and since all all the restaurants are closed we indulge in snake meat with rice -mmmmmm!!! (somebody must've recently bagged a big 'ol snake?)

Today the bus allegedly can leave Hue City, so in the meantime i have waded out to find internet cafe - managed to get 100yds down the street before being dragged into typical vietnamese hospitality (ie 3 bottles of whisky gone before noon!) - There simply is nothing else to do, and besides it would be rude to refuse - not only offend the people, but offend their ancestors, and potentially upset the Buddha and risk further flooding.~!~!!~!!W!@!@

The people are skint - their monthly wage is about 40 US dollars, but they will not take any reimbursement, they share everything with me - they are simply happy to share a laugh and drink in the face of what really is a DISASTER here!!!!!!!!!! We play cards and watch the tiles dropping off the wall into the filthy water!!!

"I will never forget!"

Mystery
I've discovered some inconspicuous mystery "Labels" -on my belongings - a bit faded in places.....
Can somebody help me out here?!?!?!!?!?!?!

Im perplexed!

EVENTFUL FEW DAYS!
Well Well Well!

What can I say!

We arrived at sleepy SiPhanDon and spent a coula days till Laos Visa expired on 23rd - duane and i embarked on a 50km round trip bike ride to the cambodian border on girls bikes' and had a couple of beers and games of cards in some wee village that had never seen foreigners... most hospitable folk! Had a piss at the side of the road and found freshwater crabs (!) hunners o frogs, snakes, and a monster millipede which i stuck in the basket of ma bike - had to take a stick too with which to beat him back down when he tried to climb out on the cycle back(i was taking him as a secret present for duane!)

The highlight of Don Khong had to be the Festival for the head monk at the Local Wat (and indeed every wat in the country it seems) - now we know what the ridiculously big speakers were for! Along with Digital drum kit, fancy synths, and sequencers - so bizarre alongside the bamboo huts! Much Lao-Lao and Lao-Dancing ensued, although i really cant agree with the Lonely-Planet's assertion that Don Khong Lao-Lao is the smoothest in the country -it's like paint-stripper! I think even a glesga-jake might have to dilute it with white lightning to make it more plateable.

So next morning we caught our epic bus to VIETNAM!!!
woke up at 10 to 8, bus at 8am. packed up and left my f*ing travellers cheques behind (ouch!-replacements to be had in Hanoi )Typically Laos-laden Bus driven like a maniac by a 12 year old boy to Savanakhet, then a 4 hour wait before boarding the Vietnam-Laden bus to Laos-Bao border crossing - oh my god! no plastic chairs in the aisle on this one as the aisle and seats were packed to shoulder height with boxes of fabric softener and soap!??!?! presumably to mask the smell of a few boxes of contraband at the bottom from the Vietnamese sniffer dogs? We managed to get a crappy wee seat since we pay double the local price, everyone else crammed between the boxes and the roof of the bus! Had it's downfalls though since we were next to the only accessible window and were handed poly bags of piss thoughout the night to fling oot! No complaints though - this is the real Asia!

Shortly before the border we stop to unscrew some secret panels and stuff 'em full of Johnnie Walker! You cant make this up!

Border at 1.30am, doesnt open till 6am, which means that maybe they open at 7.30 am, takes a while for the border officials to put on their severe faces you see.

Lengthy procedure then occurs of stamps and forms and dismantling the contents of the bus, ignoring the secret panels of course!

Finally reach Hue in Vietnam at 2.00pm by which time we are welll and truly wrecked!

Duane has bailed out to Hanoi the other night as we sick of each others pish and need a few days break!

So i have been on a motorbike tour with an old war vet, and have been round visiting all his old pals chiefly to drink rice-wine and beer, and listen to the sobering tales - also at each stop have the grand-daughters and nieces paraded as potential brides( good-humoured, nothing seedy !) "Bill" the Guide is off to visit his (Vietnamese)wife in USA next week so I give him Viagra as a "tip" - He is well chuffed!

Got my first dose of the Asian Shits!!!!!

Duane made a good move since i awoke today to find Hue under two feet of water - and it's still torrential! Theres a marker showing previous years floods, and it's quite possible got another two or three feet to go ! So I suspect i may be in Hue for some time to come!

I have to say though, that despite what people might report, VIETNAM is excellent! The touts are a bit more insistent, but still good-humour is returned!

IMPORTANT EMAIL INFORMATION :
I am abandoning stu@asainwired.com cos its complete bollocks and has got me into all kinds of bother. Please revert to stuart_milne50@hotmail.com
I am finally going to sort out my contacts list too, once the computer stops crashing that is............

oh my god, the water is now less than an inch from the door .... im off before i get electrocuted!!!!!

stu x

CHAMPASAK - SI PHAN DON
After overnight Bus to Pakse helped by mothers little helpers, we are told that " there is no ferry to Champasak - Mekhong river too low! - you must take MY boat! " so we back down eventually after watching a lengthy session of flinging bunches of live hens on to the roof of a tuk-tuk, then the pigs are man-handled aboard, followed by human passengers who are then covered in more hens and ducks.

The boat we sit for two hours in little more than a dug-out to Champasak. Visit Wat Phu - ancient Khmer /maybe not Khmer Ruins. Not much else to do really - it's great!

Tree-frog in the toilet.

Next Morning head by SawngTheaw (pick-up with "two-rows" of seats )for two hours to Don Khong, hanging off the back as it's crammed with people, animals, rice, sugar, radishes, a massive telly and a pair of bad-ass 4000 Watt speakers. The Laos like to make noise as much as the Thais!!

VIENTIANE
I MUST REITERATE FOR SOME FOLK THAT THIS BLOG IS WRITTEN WITH BIT OF "LICENCE" AND SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN ABOSLUTELY LITERALLY!!!

Vientiane is great - in typical Laos fashion, the service is smiling and friendly, but rarely fast or accurate! Its not worth getting heated about though - if anything it's hilarious!

Our Motley Crew continues to expand and contract on a daily basis as various members have to go home, or visas run out, or CASH runs out! Plenty more volunteers though.......

We have visited the highly amsusing and over-ridingly communist Laos National Museum, which has given me great ( is a little bizarre ) insight into the turbulent history of this wee country - of which i must confess i was largely ignorant.

"The american imperialists and their puppets!"

Unwittingly went to the poshest restaurant in town for lunch, had a coke (not always beer) and promptly left as main courses were in the 5 dollar range! Went round the corner for duck-rice and noodle soup with quails eggs for .... 40pence. Plate so huge couldnae finish it... washed down with another filthy asian red-bull clone. I've drunk some right rotten 'ginger' oot here! The 'green flavour' flat, sweet, fanta shit - eeeuucchhh!!! or that sickly sweet bright coloured stuff from the stalls with all the different coloured powder and chewy bits in it - GADS!!!

Half the fun is the daily risk-taking and 'gambling' with food and drink - russian roulette if you like!

Vientiane is on red alert, so there are AK-47 equipped green berets, drinking Beer Lao and sleeping on every available bench. - They come awake at night to (politely- Laos style) enforce the midnight curfew for foreigners.

Oor pals had scored a guest-house with rooftop balcony which proved ideal for some after hours death by Lao-Lao......

But enough - we pick up our Vietnam visas fae the embassy in hours then at 8 oclock we catch overnight bus to Pakse, > Champasak, > Si Phan Don

Photos soon??!?!

VANG VIENG
Vang Vieng is great - except all the bars on the strip that play DVD's - turn the damn telly off!!!

Been Inner-Tubing 4 days on the trot:-

Beer Lao
Jumping Beer Lao
Beer Lao Jumping
Stop Jumping Beer Lao
and finally Ilam Bar with Jenny the outrageous Laos tranny
Lucky Bar where we were made to feel most welcome

Happy Pizza
Happy Shake + all the rest of the tourist nonsense\\

The squirrel market was a particular highlight!

So thats enough of Vang Vieng...........

Welcome to Laos
After one last blowout in Chang Mai, got home (pished) at 11 am, to find the boys are already at the airport - so Tuk-Tuk like a maniac and a few investigations find my ticket at a desk.

Drunk, a bag full of knives, someone else had accidentally lifted duanes passport - No chance of getting on the plane? - but with Laos Airlines, No Problem Sir!

Laos - where nothing seems to matter and everything is taken a bit less seriously than Thailand.

Surprising that the folk are so genuine and good-humoured in a country destroyed by war, apparently has the unenviable title as the world's most bombed country. Still peppered with landmines, craters and scars from "Agent Orange".

At 18,000 Laos Kip to the Pound, we are now multi-millionaires, and have to carry a massive bag of cash around.

Luang Prabang a bit of a dump, the old french-collonial style concrete market place was being used quite literally as "the cowp" since falling masonry recently made it unsafe.

Limited Luang Prabang to a dook in the waterfall and a day off the Drink.

Then by 30year old ex-korean public bus with the chickens, sacks of rice, and guys with AK-47's, to Vang Vieng. Seven hour journey lurching through some pretty incredible scenery above the clouds and Laos kiddies spewing into the wee food-stall plastic bags.

Vang Vieng is so far fantastic - it has it's downfalls like all the bars play fucking mind-numbing soul-sucking american DVD's instead of music, the one that plays music plays god-awful cheesy chart dance music too loud, and of course there are a fair few "dour-o-tourists".....
Even as i write there's some greetin' bastard rattlin' the Laos Boy's cage about "whoy 'otmail aint workin' " - How the fuck should we know??

It's True - my hotmail has now got a 250MB inbox, may have to revert to hotmail cos a lot of outgoing mail has vanished into E-Limbo from AsianWired.

Thanks for all birthday emails - even got a fantastic assortment of Chang Mai market trinkets from d-boy and Chris.

CHANGOVER
Thought it wasnt possible - but today i've got a changover. Yuk.

Its a bit cold too, must be as low as 32 degrees today,
- The Thais have got scarfs and big Jaickets on.

Moved out of the filthy little 'Mama Honey' guest house rat infested dive after rattling the cage of mama's son by coming in pished at all hours and refusing their tours etc. You get what you pay for i spose, but at 75pence a night it was still daylight robbery - We are now living it up across the road in 5 star luxury (Thai Style )with air-con, fridge, and a telly (2 pound a night!) where you can do as you please. Seems we are the only straight people there though, all the other residents are elderly dutch poofs and their RIDICULOUSLY camp Thai rent-boys. - Not half as revolting as the hoardes of old, fat, sweaty, ugly, disgusting, creepy european sex-tourists that are in every bar fiddling with the lassies.

Tomorrow we fly to Luang Prabang - Laos, need a change of beer anyhows, the chang novelty has worn off today.

Off to get some "scotland" tat from the market, since we are becoming tired of being taken for English,(awight mayt!) and Duane is sick of being taken for a greetin-faced filthy israeli (shalom!)

Bell is Back

               
Thailand2

right a few more photo's -- more when i find a fster internet cafe - this one is painful!!!!

Chang Mai actually aint so bad!

Hi to All

Later !!

BELL IS BACK!!!!!!
Chris Bell now not Leaving till 16th - heheheh

Not sure if my asianwired email address is working proprely so maybe you havent received mail?!!??!

Will revert to Hotmail if this 250Mb ever materialises - can anyone confirm whether or not this is a pile o shite?

Trying to dry out a bit so went for a 'couple' last night - ended up in a lock-in till 5am - wooops/. For some reason though "Beer Chang" doesnt produce a hangover - only /the shakes /! That Mekhong whisky though is a different story.!

'Some Bird' propping up the pool table looked awfy familiar, turns out its none other than Mark Campbell's Shelley, though the story goes that they've fallen out last week and gone seperate ways, so i think Shelley joining the Stu, Dman, and Bell trip to Laos.........until she gets sick of our patter probably.....

YOOOUUUUUU!!?!???!
MEEEEEE!!??!!??!
BEEEEEEERR!?!?!
BUUUURRRMMMMMAAAAAA BEEEEEERRRRRR!?!?!!
BEEEEEERRR MAAANDDAAALLLLAAAAAAAY !!??!
MUUUUSSSSIIIIIICCCCCC!!!?!?!
BUUUURRRRMMMAAAAAAA MUUUUUUSSSSIICCCC!!!?!?!

:)
( a long story, and probaly not that funny to the casual observer - you need to have been in Haad Yuan i suppose) to quote the aussie guy on the train with size 18 feet " what the fuck is all this Burma crap?" Exactly!

I've changed my mind about Chang Mai too - it's also excellent!

right im gonnae try an' upload some photies finally

Hi to All !